42 Equals 13

42 Equals 13

Now my first-grade son would say, “Mommy, that is not right.”  But for my life, it is.

I will turn 42 years old this month, but I find myself not focusing on new wrinkles and body aches, but on freedom.  Freedom from the bondage of depression.  Freedom from the temptation to slip back into my pit.  Freedom from thoughts of suicide as my only way out.  Freedom granted to me by God’s healing and grace 13 years ago.  For me, 42 equals 13.

Leave it to God to choose to use us, his fallen, imperfect children, to do His work.  At times, I am so surprised how He has called me to serve Him.  This hit me first when I was pregnant with our son and then our daughter.  That God would take me, a woman who once felt worthless and useless, to be the vessel for new life…truly amazing!  At times don't you find yourself laughing at how He operates?  So contrary to our expectations at times.

Today, I found myself thinking about my current callings and again found myself in awe of how God sees in us what we cannot or will not see.  In me, He saw the person to lead Hope for Our Sisters (hopeforoursisters.org) and Gathering for Hope (gatheringforhope.org), even though I spent years lost in my pit with no way out or even a desire to climb out.  He saw past that and knew I was destined for more, if only I would take His hand and walk with Him.

Is it ironic or fitting that I now speak for women and girls without hope, women and girls who have been told they are worthless and useless – women and girls with fistula?  Does it make any sense that I now encourage other women to find their calling and help restore the lives of others on God’s behalf – when I once saw no need for my own life?

As you look at your year ahead, I hope you will find your equation, find how God has come into your life and made a change for the better.  May we not get lost in ourselves and our limitations, but may we get lost in the adventure God has planned for us. 

No matter your equation or story, God will use you if you let Him.  For me, 42 equals 13 equals freedom and for that I am thankful!

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian

SO MUCH...WITHOUT

As I awoke from the anesthesia, I found myself weeping.  The nurse asked if I was Ok and I said, “We have SO MUCH and so many live WITHOUT.”

Last week I went to the hospital for SURGERY on my foot to heal a problem that caused pain and limited my movement.  A foot problem that I CHOSE to have addressed after much PLANNING for my children’s care and help for my husband to run our home on his own for an entire month post surgery.

As painful as my foot ailment was, it did not result in my being OSTRACIZED or cut off from my community like FISTULA does.  It did not leave me HOPELESS like FISTULA can.  I also only drove 15 MINUTES to the hospital…many women, men and children around the world must WALK FOR DAYS to reach care and that is only if they KNOW care and healing exist.

I was cared for in a CLEAN hospital with TRAINED and CONCERNED staff.  From what I have read, this is not always the case in the developing world.  Many hospitals LACK any semblance of CLEANLINESS, many women who go for care are treated with DISDAIN and RUDENESS, and many people who provide care are NOT TRAINED as well as they should be.

I am not pronouncing judgment on those who GIVE ALL THEY CAN to provide care to women, men and children around the world.  Many use ALL THEY HAVE at their disposal to give the BEST CARE possible.  However, I am trying to open the eyes of those who have SO MUCH.  I want to help all of us SEE all we have around us and then DO SOMETHING to make a LASTING CHANGE for those WITHOUT.

GOD OPENED MY EYES almost three years ago to the PLIGHT of so many around the world. Yet, HE CONTINUES to open my eyes.  Like He did in the recovery room of the hospital where I was again treated with GREAT CARE and given new crutches to HELP me walk.  What CARE and HELP are people in the developing world GIVEN?  What CHANCE do they have to TRULY HEAL?

May our EYES be OPENED again and again.

May we all be open and receptive to OUR CALLING. 

May we all say YES. 

May we USE our SO MUCH to HELP those WITHOUT.

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian

Prayer for Justice

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for being a God of love, mercy and justice.

Thank you for using me to carry out your work in the world.

Thank you for preparing me for my specific calling, my way to serve.

Even though I cannot fix the world, give me the desire to change it.

Even though I cannot do everything, give me the opportunity to do something.

Even though there is always a cost in pursuing justice, give me the courage to pay that cost.

You have called me to pursue justice

-    A must do

-    Not a choice

-    My duty

-    My responsibility

Give me the ability to be still, pray, open my heart, and listen for You.

Then, grant me the courage to take Your hand in mine,

The strength to hold on tight, and

The perseverance to stand strong through both the excitement and monotony of my calling.

Provide to me the honor and blessing to serve alongside others, for together we stand stronger.

May I stand for those who cannot stand for themselves.

May I speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

May I love those who know no love.

May I fight for those who have no fight left.

May I hope for those whose hope has been stolen.

May I walk in awe as you lift others up as a result of my saying YES to Your people,

Your invitation to pursue justice in this world, and

Your calling on my life.

Amen.

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian

Share this:

I AM

I AM

I am frightened

I am trapped

I am limited

I am abused

I am lost

I am isolated

I am ostracized

I am without hope

I am angry

I am ready for change

I am ready for a chance

I am ready to been seen, heard and valued for who I am

I am not a victim

I am a future survivor

I am not in need of handouts

But the chance to use my own voice, abilities and mind

Speak for me until I can speak for myself

Walk for me until I can take my own steps

Hope for me until I can regain the hope that was stolen from me

Then I ask of you...Speak with me as we reach more people with my story

Walk with me as we cover more ground

Hope with me as we change the world

I am a girl

I am a woman

I am valuable

I am worth it

I Am

© 2013 by Brooke F Sulahian