Exhausted…totally burned out and done. From what? From trying to control my life. Trying to find answers to tomorrow, next week and next year. Trying so hard for a glimpse into the future. Trying to carry what God is supposed to carry. Feeling weighed down and spent.
While I was busily looking under rocks, behind trees, in the water of the brook, and under fallen leaves for any sign of tomorrow and trying unsuccessfully to hoist heavy blessings and burdens upon my own back, Jesus, My Savior, sat quietly on my path. The path God created just for me. However, I was not walking along my path. I was frantically seeking out further information, greater insight, and more control. I like control…at least the idea of control.
I ran myself down. I hit the end of my rope. I was exhausted without perspective. I had undone myself.
He waited patiently for me to see Him…to notice Him. So peacefully He sat. So lovingly He gazed at me as if He wanted to stop me but knew He needed to let me run, search, and seek what I would never find or carry apart from Him.
God knows what I can handle and He gives that to me. Why isn’t that enough? He created a path for me, gave me Jesus to walk along with me and the Holy Spirit to indwell me. Why do I not trust?
When I was totally spent, I sat with Him…He held me. He was always there yet I turned another way and sought what I thought I wanted and needed. Could I even handle the information I sought? I am thankful He did not waver but let me see Him as my only answer, my only need, my only rock, my only guide along my path.
I gave it all to Him…all of my roles and concerns. I once again laid them on the altar. My role as wife, mother, student, and activist. I laid on the altar my husband and children…may they soar as I let go. Everything on my plate was lovingly placed along my path so Jesus can show me how to spend my time, so He can help me pursue my path, so He can truly guide me every step of the way. All I have belongs to Him…right?
The hold and weight on my life left in that moment and my hands were free to embrace Jesus’ hands and to walk with Him.
He waited patiently for me and will do so again, and again, and again. I will continue to leave my path but He will be there waiting for me to return. May I venture from my path for shorter and shorter time periods as I learn to trust Him more and more.
“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” (Psalm 25:4-5)
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